UFO China- the real explanation

By some strange coincidence, I have received a rather sheepish letter from my good friend Supreme Commander of the allied forces, General Solomon, a Lagomorph from Parsleyious VII, which explains the recent spate of UFOs around China (see picture opposite, this is the last picture I have of him, when he was captured by the evil Thebans, a fascist style raptor/reptile race from Galvan VIII, who formed an alliance with the Nazis during WWII-see picture right, if it hadn't been for Winston C********,  and later on Charles De G***** and Franklin D R****** humanity would have been destroyed for ever ).

Note: some bits have been redacted due to 'national security'.

My Dear Lord *****,

"First may I apologise for not popping into see you during my ships recent visit to Sod [Earth] , but I felt that any further temporal interference would destabilise the whole space-time vortex, so as previously advised you will have to wait for a further 2 earth years before we can come and pick you up, although I must report that you have become something of a hero back on Byzantium, especially your argument  that the strong must defend the weak, the wealthy should help the poor, but  especially your  constant interference in the affairs of Sod [Earth] both before and after your exile  is now gaining support amongst revisionist historians . 

I am also pleased to write that your eldest daughter, Hannah, is progressing well under my 'wing' and I sense that she will be of great importance in respect to the future of galactic affairs. I am also happy to say that the Curia has finally ratified the Churchill/Byzantine mutual defence treaty; in fact following an investigation by the Central Investigation Agency [CIA] and numerous petitions to the Curia that our most technologically advanced programme of  [Space] Battleships shall be classified as the Churchill and Robert E Lee Class, because those two Earthlings saved the Galaxy and most importantly the Byzantine Empire on several occasions, whatever their merits in respect of Earthlander history; this delighted the current government of the UK , but upset the current government of the United States that their President told his security detail to fire upon me- hmm!- all I had to say was 'bullet proof fur looser!'; his security chaps were not so lucky; flesh verses diamond polished sword is not much of a contest .

But I digress .....

Now before you start worrying, the whole UFO 'incident' in China was nothing more than a stupid error- an error on my part, alas. You see,  I had decided to finish off my tour of the various important governments of Sod [Earth] by making a friendly visit to my old pal P*** from Ru****. As usual Vladimir was on 'vacation' in Siberia so it was only a short hop from the Champs De Elysee (Sar****, but more importantly his wife is such a laugh) to there, so I though not real harm. As usual Vlad couldn't beat me at a good old sword fight- not bad for a 26,030 year old- although he was better at swimming the ****** than me. 

Unfortunately that is when the trouble started, as the Ministry of Defence had insisted that we bring along some celebrities and you know what these types are like, especially the Curry's [Grey Aliens]. As usual they wanted to boss everyone else around (as if they are not making enough money on this planet, as everyone seems to think that is what non-humans look like), so when I left Vlad nursing a broken ****, the bloody bounders wanted to "stop off for a Chinese", despite the fact that we are not due to go to China until later this year  (I am pleased to say that the last gift from that people, now what are they called  giant Pandas, are quite happy in their new home).

Anyway these bloody celebs get they own way and we stop off and get some Chicken Chop Suey, Egg Fried Rice, Prawn Crackers, Sweet and Sour Hong Kong Style and 20 other dishes- the rice was quite nice but couldn't touch the meet because as you know us Lagomorphs are veggies, albeit not by choice but by biology,  but then some people, mentioning no names, happen to spill chasuenuts all over the Vortex controls.

Then we were off, stuck over the middle of China, whilst practical chaos erupts. Thankfully, we were able to switch to the back-up controls and get away before anyone could really investigate. So the lesson of this story is not to allow celebs to come with you on important diplomatic meetings. Those two buffoons, who despite their popularity on such shows as 'I'm a Human get me out of here' and 'Byzantine's got talent', really need a good talking to.....

....anyway enough of my moaning, I shall write to you a letter shortly on how the recent  UK coalition government took to the news that "aliens" exist (If I have to share another room with that Norman B**er and his chum Nick C****, I will go mad, although the new Prime Minister is infuriatingly charming ) as well as my various encounters in this latest visit (which also included a close encounter with the leaders of USA, France and Germany).

..... until then, I remain yours, General Lord  Solomon, Supreme Commander of allied forces, keeper of the Carrots, defender of the Byzantine Systems, General of Her Majesty's Marine Corps and Lord Privy Seal ."

WARNING  :for the eyes of the secretary of state for defence, the principal private secretary, the chief of the defence staff, his secretary and the secretary to the principal private secretary, her secretary, the tea boy at the Cabinet Office, Head MI7, MI5, MI6, Special Branch, The Prime Minister, the Prime Minister's secretary, the Cabinet Secretary and his Secretary, the Committee of the Privy Council for defence of the realm, COBRA Chair and various other secretaries of state as deemed necessary, their principal private secretaries and the various personal private secretaries and under secretaries of state, the leader of Her Majesty's loyal opposition, unless he or she is a danger to national security - liberal democrats, left liberals, Scottish, Welsh and Irish nationalists, dangerously left wing socialists and right wing supremacists, tree huggers, EU lovers and Methodists, who have been cleared to read this file as per the following acts of Parliament and Orders in Council 1940, 1964, 1979, 1997, 2001, 2005 and 2010 only.